It's Friday. Sex?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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