I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
