dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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