Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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