Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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