What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
