Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
