guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
