If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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