How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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