Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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