Pappa wants mamma naked
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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