There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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