Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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