Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
