i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
