so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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