The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
