When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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