I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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