She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
her vagine was all disorganized.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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