I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
