Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
