got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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