we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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