tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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