i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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