I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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