Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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