I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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