i permit you to call me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
