im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
