A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
50% drunk capacity currently
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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