im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was born a porn star she said
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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