She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
