I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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