I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they're like a gay fantastic four
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
