are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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