So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
