I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
