How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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