is your mom at the bar?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I understand Curling. That high.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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