I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
