had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
