She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
