Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize