he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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