So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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