We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
