so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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