he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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