you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
