You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
