I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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