Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
two words: eviction party
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
