so let's talk penis.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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