i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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