I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize