My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
