she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
