Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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