I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
