I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize