Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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