I CAN MOONWALK!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
