i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
