Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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