dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize