i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
