I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
