she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
